Are you feeling the same issues or arguments resurface and the breakdowns in communication are leading to widening disconnect with your partner? If you are stuck in this pattern, it may be time to consider seeking couple’s therapy.
• Only woman initiate the conversation to start couple’s therapy
• Starting couple’s therapy means the relationship is in deep crisis and is on the brink of ending
• A relationship with no arguments means all is clear and the relationship is going well
• Only married couples seek couple’s therapy
• Couples with a partner that pushes too much and the other shuts down
• Couples who feel more like roommates
• Couples having reoccurring arguments
• Couples recovering from betrayal or with broken trust
• Couples with major life stressors impacting their relationship (i.e. loss of family member, transitions due to parenthood, one partner has medical health conditions, one partner with PTSD).
I share this quote to provide hope for couples seeking therapy, and as a prelude about important aspects of couple’s therapy.
1. It’s a reminder that perfection doesn’t happen in the beginning, with two perfect people coming together, it’s a journey that a pair is on somewhere from dating to marriage learning along the way
2. perfecting in a long-term committed relationship is an active process that takes continued effort to find satisfaction/joy
3. It’s not a person’s flaws that divide a pair, but rather it’s when making efforts end/it’s about opting in everyday to recommit to your relationship with your partner
During sessions, I may ask one or both partners, imagine we were watching a movie featuring the ‘perfect’ movie couple, describe what you see happening in that scene? While I don't typically reference a specific onscreen pairing, Gomez and Morticia Addams are a fantastic example for this blog. They are simultaneously the perfect and imperfect couple. They might be misunderstood by the outside world for their macabre quirks, but they are entirely in tune, supportive, and intimately committed to one another. Comical moments with Gomez passionately responding to Morticia’s French work beautifully showing effective cues and affectionate responses. If you’re a fan of The Addams Family or want to see what this couple can teach us about healthy relationships, check out the video below.
It’s more than just improving communication, and not about fixing the other person. As an EFT trained couple’s therapist, I focus on attachment issues experienced by both partners. Current attachment - related issues often stem from somewhere in the past and impact a partner’s current behaviors, communication, responses, and connections to their partner. Relationship enhancement comes from understanding the issues and negative patterns, realizing things missed and needed, improving communication and expanding positive cycles that can lead to strengthening of an intimate bond.